November 2, 2007 to November 2, 2012  
5 Years and Moving Forward!

Five years ago today, as I was driving home from seeing an endocrinologist regarding my seven lumps on my thyroid, which was Thyroid Cancer.   I got the call from my surgeon to tell me “You have Breast Cancer.”  I remember him asking me if I knew an oncologist, NOPE.

Then him saying he had a call into Dr. Vain,   I said   Dr. Vain?    I really want a doctor who is Vain? No, Dr. Fain, is my oncologist and, he has been wonderful.  As I walked in to our house, I just looked at Larry and started crying in his arms.

Then that night,  Larry and I just looked at each other and said,   We will come out even better from this, healthier, stronger, happier, and living life.   After the 2.5 years of getting through life, we are living life.  Our house has become stronger, healthier, and happier. Kaylynn’s Hemangioma is gone,  Reeve is a happy 8 year old, Larry does well with his Type I diabetes, and I feel great!

Cancer Sucks!    It has taken to many people too soon. Everyday,  I miss my mom more than words can express.    It just sits in my gut that my kids do not get to be with her and know how wonderful of a mom I had in my life.   My mom was my best friend, my mentor, and the person I leaned the most on daily. Everyday, I stop to remember the beautiful smile of my dear friend Michelle and her laugh that just made you laugh.

People who have gone through Cancer or a major life change,   realize really what is important in life.     I say the word  ”really?” to realize if something is important or not. I make decisions based on what is good for my family and me.    I enjoy the moments in life now.    I  am still trying to stop and just be still more often.   Hard for a person like me.    Maybe this is were Kaylynn got her high activity and determination??

Today I celebrate 5 years of being Cancer Free.  I celebrate with all you.   I tear up thinking about all that was done for my family.

Monday night I was with friends who were right by my side during the 2 year journey.   I looked around and started tearing up. Remembering them holding our hands, delivering meals, sitting by me in chemo, and more.    Larry and I will never forget the fundraisers, the shopping, the continually dinners for year and half, the gifts, the airline miles, people flying into town, the cards, and hugs.  Thank you for always standing by me on this journey. My friendships are very important to me. I cherish you all greatly.

Today,  stop and realize “REALLY” what is important in your life.   And if challenges are coming your way,   Just Keep Swimming!

Some of our journey: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VyRigbxn9-I&feature=youtu.be

Smile, Hug, Laugh, and LOVE!
Traci, Larry, Reeve & Kaylynn Kolinek

My story to help others   http://www.mybreastcancersucks.com/
The start of my new site on how we are living stronger.   http://www.yourunlimitedhealth.com/

Today I have my 6 month follow up with my oncologist. Nov 2 will be five years from diagnoises. I seem to get a pit in my stomach as I walk in and see Texas Oncology. Not nervous that cancer will ever come back. But the long road I experienced. I tear up of joy thinking about how blessed I was with friends that supported me and my family. I told the lab tech about the amazing fundraisers that were held for my family. The meals, the gifts, the Costco and HEB runs, gifts cards, taking the kids, I still feel the love that was given everyday and truly appreciate every single piece of it. Thank you for supporting and loving my family during our journey. And may all of you Smile today to celebrate my clean bill of health and life!!!!!

Larry and I created a website of Kaylynn’s Hemagioma story to help others who like us, had no idea what they were dealing with when
their little baby comes out in this world with something that looks like a bruise and continues to grow.

Our story tells everyone how we made our decisions and what it was like.

Let us know if we can help.     We understand and want to pay it forward!

So I have been telling everyone I am done with medical issues,   everything has been fixed so I should be good to go and then…

Bang,  I am standing out in the cul de sac with my neighbor (finishing up kid drama) and she tells me my eye looks like it is bleeding… WTF????

I try to blow it off thinking,  it I can have anything wrong.    Knowing that my eye has been bugging me the last few days, but I thought it was just allergies or something.

I do go inside to take and look… and there it is crap!!!!     Are you kidding me?

We don’t have vision insurance, but I know they cover medical necessity of the eye.    Kaylynn (from her Hemangioma) and Larry (from Diabetes).

It turns out it was just a subjunctive hemorrhage.   One of my blood vessels in my eye burst, and I have to wear my glasses all the time and let it heal.     Working out in glasses???   Oh man,   and I don’t see as well.     Larry keeps asking if I should be driving the kids.

It kept spreading as I had an evil eye.   But all gone in 10 days.    Ready to wear contacts again.

No doctors today!!!

I will get to be a mom, wife, work, workout, pay the bills, plan meals, get the kids to and from school, look at possible summer schedule and camps and figure out what we can do for Spring Break.    Easy Day!

I keep thinking it is going to end.   But it seems like one or two of my mornings, (my only time free of kids) is filled with some kind of doctors appointment.  REALLY?

I should not complain.  I am Cancer Free!   Healthy, well with a little extra weight I need to lose due to pigging out on sugar during the Holidays and Valentine’s Day.    And these damn doctor appointments are preventing me from getting my workout in for the day.

You say wake up at 5:30?   Not this woman who has to stay up late to work to catch up from being at the doctors office all morning.   I need to just stop complaining, and Just DO IT (wearing my Nike Shorts and shoes)!

But seriously,  does it every stop with the appointments?    No wonder I don’t get my teeth cleaned but once a year now, I just can’t handle another appointment.

Oh,  and I don’t do lunch appointments because of the 16 hours a week I get free from the kids, is not to just eat.  But I am always up for Happy Hour, when Daddy can take over.    And I get to drink.

Happy 60th Birthday Mom! I remember throwing you the surprise 50th birthday party like it was yesterday. It was the beginning of your breast cancer journey, but I never thought you would be celebrating your 60th in Heaven.

I know you have having one “hell” of a party. But I want to have that party with you today. I want to make it your day, what ever you would want to do. Travel? Spa? Party with friends? I know we would be a Burger King for lunch for a mustard whopper. I always want to give back to you they way you did to make my birthdays always special.

I have to admit that there is this hole gone in me since you have passed. I think of you everyday. I miss you everyday. I laugh some, cry some, just get a pit in my stomach some. But remember the memories.

I do understand you are around all of us. But I have to admit, DAMN IT, I want you sitting right next to me and talking with me face to face. I will take the 31 years I had you here with me.
I love you!

Here is one of my favorite slide shows from your 50th birthday.
Debby K Rowell 50 Years

March 31, 2011

Was it really March 31st 2005 in the early morning when my mom went to heaven? Feels like yesterday since the feelings are so raw. Why is it as this day comes near, the whole week, I go into a funk, have low energy and just not motivated. It would not be a celebration day. It is not like her birthday, where I would have called her, got her a card and gift, or been with her. It just plan sucks!!

A lot of memories come back during this week. Good and bad, and it is amazing how clear every event that occurred that week is so vivid. Every words spoken, every smell, every touch, and every minute.

I know and believe she is around me all the time. But I still struggle with just getting quite and listening to her. I do know the times she is pissed at me. She never met Kaylynn, but I know she gave me that girl to remember her everyday and the payback for having me. SHIT! She did not want me to be a bored mom.

I don’t remember taking my mom for granted. I remember being annoyed at her, but never wanted her away from me. I talked to her almost everyday, and she just knew how to lead me in the right direction. I have the greatest respect for her. Funny how you miss being directed the right way when it is gone. I always say “I am the CEO of me.” But when it came to my mom, she lead the way by teaching me to make the right decisions and learn from my mistakes.

A dear friend of mine, lost her Dad 1 year and 4 days before my mom passed. Someone that was meant to be part of my life, and very special to me. I was actually at her house when I got the call, to come home to Kansas City and say goodbye. We were going to have dinner together as families. My mom passed 1 year on the exact day that was her dad’s funeral. Her dad was to her, like my mom was to me. A huge part of our lives!!!

On her 2 year and my 1 year, we took our 1.5 year olds to the San Antonio zoo. They moved to Florida so the other years we just talked and felt for each other. But they are back in Austin again, and we have now decide that that week will become “Fun” event for us to bring our families together. Let the planning begin!!!

Since Michelle passed away from breast cancer Jan 26th 2010.   A lot of emotions have been a part of my life.  I went from numb, sad to pissed off, not able to handle the little changes in life,  to just missing her.   Missing her a lot and thinking about her a lot.

I have moved beyond my cancer, but it is a part of who I am.   I remember when Michelle was there through my biopsy, testing, surgery, chemo, hair loss and all.   She told me,  because you do not have your mom because of breast cancer,  I will always be there.   And she was there,  18 hours in the waiting room while I had my double mastectomy & thyroid removed.   She showed up for the last chemo with cheesecake.    Always holding my hand.       When I would hug her and tell her “thank you” she would tell me that I would pay it forward someday.   We both hoped that I would not have to, but I have now many times.

Losing Michelle to Breast Cancer had me think about my mom passing.  But  I did not relive my cancer at all.   But losing Michelle made me think about how I have know lost two very special and important people in my life that could relate and laugh with me about my cancer.

Michelle and I did laugh a lot about our cancers.    I remember when I had a follow up thyroid biposy a year later.    She came to hold my hand again.   As they are sticking these long needles in my neck.    Michelle and I say to the doctor,   what are you going to tell me?   I have cancer, we both had heard that a few times.

I was blessed to have her as my friend.     I love you Michelle!!!