September 18, 2008

Test Results & Chemo Day

I'm really tired tonight,  so I will keep the sweet and short.   All your prayers and being answered.  Thank you!
 
Good news today,   my oncotype-dx test (my big test 95% accurate)  came back Estrogen Negative,  Progesterone Negative.   I'm still HER2NEU Positive.   This is my breast cancer typing.
 
In short,    I do not have to take a hormone blocker putting me into menopause for the next 5 years.   YES!  
My treatment plan has been right on track.      I finish the Herceptin for the HER2NEU in Feb 2009 still.  This drug really increase the chances of my cancer NOT to return.
 
Not as good new, but we already knew this.  My cancer type is very aggressive.  Due to my age and how much I had in my body with in a year time frame. Out of a score of 0-100.  100 being the highest chance of my cancer returning in 10 year time frame,  mine was 72.   High Risk, I know.    This is why I chopped both boobs off,  did the big gun chemo treatments, and still on chemo over a year later.    And moved as fast as I could.     We have not been messing around at all. 
 
What else does this mean,   I will be monitored very closely with scans, blood work, and I have to listen to my body.    This is something we can all learn.   Michelle has taught me this.   
 
I smiled big today.   I know that my cancer could come back at anytime, but I won't be scared the rest of my life.   Instead,   I don't sweat the small stuff anymore,  I let go,  celebrate life, and live the moment ( present.)    Choose to live!     
 
Hugs,
Traci

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September 15, 2008

Never a Dull Moment at the Kolineks :)

Well,   I must say…  we are doing well.    Still just remembering to breath,  enjoy life, and take it one day at a time.
 
I took the radioactive for my thyroid cancer at the end of July.  I did well until it hit my red blood counts and energy went down again.   The next week Papa Gus came and got us to fly to Kansas City to visit my friends and brother's family.   Larry could maybe get a break after me being gone 7 days.  We had a great time in KC.   It was so fun being at Uncle Shaun's and Aunt Kristans.    Maddy, Wesley, Reeve and Kaylynn had a blast playing together.     
 
Mid August I was still feeling low on energy.   I figured I was still getting my red blood count back and would bounce back soon.  Well, I got worse and worse.   
 
Thursday Aug 14th  after taking Kaylynn to her MRI/MRA where they couldn't get an IV started after 7 tries in arms, feet, hands.  Geez!   Lucky she was asleep, but then she woke up in the middle of the exam and we didn't finish.  I'll deal with that later.    I got so weak I went straight to Dr. Fain, oncologist, and asked for help.   He did blood work right away and my counts and all were good.   I couldn't even help Kaylynn who was stumbling around on her medication.    So we paged my endocrinologist and I talked with her that night.    Friday morning I could barely keep my eyes open after 9 hours of sleep. 
 
She ran about 12 plus tests on me.  One for my brain, because I couldn't pronounce words right,  one for my heart, and thyroid and hormones.     I got a call on Sunday to tell me all was clear.  Whew!   I hate those scares.   I was told  my estrogen level is really peaking right now  and my body trying to have a cycle for the first time in 28 months.   Can you say,  hell PMS?    But I was glad to hear the news.  Funny how now that not so great news is so GOOD to hear.   I'm better the last few days.   I hoped Aunt Flo will come soon and flush me out.    Never thought I would be saying that.  Aunt FLO is here and taking me on.  I survived it! 
 
In the mean time I go to meet with my nutritionist and immunologist,  or can I say "life savor" Dr. Lupenitz.   He is the one that I always say "okay they are curing me,  you make me feel better and he does.   Well,   we were talking and going over my lab work and he asked to see my pathology report from my double mastectomy back in Nov 2007.   As he was reading the very poorly written report he say that I had an addedum stating that I could be estrogen positive.    Remember, I'm estrogen negative and progesterone positive,  HER2NEU Positive.   
 
So the next day I go for chemo, Herceptin.   Long story short.  There is a possibility I could be estrogen positive also and have both types. So they are sending my boob tissues,  yes they keep them at the hospital for 5 years,  scary huh?     for this very detailed expensive test that will confirm my status and tell me my chance for recurrence.     I have to admit for the first time,  I'm VERY nervous to hear the results.    Depending on how the results come out,  how will I live my life?   How will I think?    I don't focus on stats and never asked mine,  but these are very detailed.   I have to say my stomach turns daily right now.   I'm holding my family close right now and praying.     (Michelle,  my heart is with yours always.)    This test will also tell me if I need more chemo.
 
If I'm estrogen positive it will tell me if I need a hormone blocker for the next 5 years,  great,  more chemo and more aging.   My body has been so push this last year with chemo and no thyroid.   Just what a women needs.   Aging and weight gain.   This will shut Aunt Flo down.   Menopause and hot flashes.    I experienced some hot flashes for awhile.   That was a lot of fun and chasing two small kids around.
 
If not,   I'm still on track and will be done in Feb 2009.  Nothing I've done so far would have changed.  Which is a relief.  Larry and I are asking about the mistake.    No need to dwell on it now.  
 
I will know the results hopefully this week.    Meantime,  doctor appts have been less.  YEAH!   I'm just being a mom and walk as much as possible.   Thank you to all who have donated.  It means a lot.    Some of my friends walking beside me still need to get to their $2200 mark yet to walk..  The walk is Oct 3rd.    If you would still like to donate got to http://www.the3day.org/site/TR/Walk/WashingtonDCEvent?team_id=33960&pg=team&fr_id=1192 and pick a team mate not at $2200 yet.   I've made mine.  Thank you!
 
We are working on Kaylynn's next step for laser treatment.   She and Reeve are doing well being crazy Kolinek kids and enjoying their new school.
 
We hope all is well with all of you! 
 
Hugs,
Traci

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July 16, 2008

My sweet friends and family!

Good day to all, 
 
You have all done so much for me this year.    It is hard to put into words all the love and support I have received and continue to receive.   And here I am again writing an email to ask for you to give more. But you have to admit,  I've got a pretty good story to ask for more.  *smile*    
 
Here is my story:
 
Team Cancer Sucks is heading to Washington DC October 3, 4, 5th to walk 20 miles three days in row for a total of 60 miles.     I walked my first year in 2005 for my mother.   After watching her painful fight against breast cancer and then having her pass away,   walking 60 miles was nothing.    I did it because I  believe we will find a cure.    No one should have to experience breast cancer or cancer.  
  
In 2008,  I walk for ME, in memory of my mother, my friend Michelle Bynum (whose breast cancer just came back into her chest wall and spine), my friends mothers, aunts, grandmothers, my friends friends, and for our daughters.  I would do anything to prevent someone experiencing breast cancer, especially chemo.   The walk will be an experience of a lifetime again.    The best part is I will have some amazing friends, my dad Gus, and supports walking beside me this year.   I might not actually walk all 60 miles, but I will walk through that finish line and smile.         
 
I have committed to raise $2,200 to be able to walk.    To donate:  http://08.the3day.org/site/TR/Walk/WashingtonDCEvent?pg=personal&fr_id=1192&fr_id=1192&px=1228146
 
I understand that each of you have given so much this last year and may have other charity commitments.   
There are few of you that will get hit two to three times by us walking is DC this year.  Each of us needs to raise our $2,200.  So ask that you could spread the donations among each person you know or the person needing the money the most to get to $2,200.
 
 
 
Hugs,
Traci Kolinek

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I can't say it enough… Cancer Sucks!

I've been trying to get an update out for awhile now.  It just seems as I get a little time,  I take 10 steps back.  I've learned to just BREATHE, and take it one day at a time.    To let go some and let things happen on their own.  
 
July 10, 2008
 
Yesterday,  I was smiling ear to ear, appreciating the simple things in life.  I appreciate more the ordinary things I use to do on a daily basis and didn't hurt and I was doing them again.   Today, not so good.   Everything started going wrong with my schedule to take my iodine pill which is critical to Kaylynn's NY trip, Reeve's birthday, me being away from the kids 8 days, and my next round of chemo.   Kaylynn has been spiking fevers of 103 degrees off and on for almost two months and we found out she had had a urinary tract infection and need to have an ultrasound of her kidney's etc.   Whew,  lots of news today. 
 
Then at 8pm,  I get the two calls I NEVER EVER WANTED,   I just kept saying NO NO NO NO NO
My dear friend, Michelle Bynum, who was diagnosed 6 months after my mom passed in 2005, at 36 found out her breast cancer has come back to her chest and spine.    I'll yell it this time,  CANCER SUCKS!   We need those prayers.   I'm ready for the fight,  but S_ _ T,  I'm pissed we have to fight again.   Are you freaking kidding me?   I told Gus,  I'm tired of getting older.  And 35 years old is older?
 
I remember the day I was diagnosed, November 2, 2007.   Michelle said,  "you will win this battle, but I hate what you are going to have to go through"   That was an understatement.   It is a really hard to battle something that  tests every part of your body, spirit, mind, world.    And I shed tears thinking what battle she must face again.  Prayers, Prayers!
 
Here was the updated I worked on the last two weeks:
 
Monday,  June 30th
The Kolineks are doing well.   Seriously, we have a lot of blessings.   I finished my hardest rounds of chemo,  Kaylynn looks great and DEFINITELY does not have any development delays.   Reeve is happy again and healthy.   Larry is hanging in there, beginning to be less stressed and working out    Larry and I even went out on a date for my 35th birthday.  
 
We started out the summer with a great trip to Florida.  We first went to St. Petersburg/Tampa area to see one of Larry's clients The Dann's.    We had a blast going to the Tampa zoo,  staying in their beautiful two bedroom condo over looking the gulf and watching the sunset every night.   The kids loved the beach and sand.   Kaylynn would walk right out into the water and dump sand into her hair.   We had a blast playing with the Dann family.  Reeve loved playing with Sawyer, age 5, and Parker age 3.   Larry even got to go deep sea fishing on Mark Dann's boat and caught at least 350 lbs of Red Snapper, Tuna, and Grouper. Good eating! 
 
We then headed to Fort Meyers/Sanibel island to see our friends, the Peloquins, who moved there from Austin.   It was good to see our friends.   We had an excellent time having dinner made for us,  relaxing and catching up.  Reeve and Sophie, their daughter,  had a lot of fun.   Larry's parents then joined us on Father's Day.  A lot of fun being all together with no doctor appts, no schedule and no household duties.   It was another great week on the beach, building sand castle's, swimming and relaxing.   
 
I'm hanging in there.   I seem to have a suppressed immune system due to steroids and chemo.  So I live with a sinus infection that won't go away.    Seriously,  I think I have had green coming out of my nose for at least 3 months now.   Where does it come from anyway?   It is gone finally.
 
My neuropathy is a little better, but my hands, arms and legs still hurt often.   The problem is the more active you are the more the neuropathy flairs up.  And if you have been around the Kolinek kids lately,  active is what we do.  I thought girls where suppose to be calmer?   Are you kidding me?   Kaylynn stops to eat and sleep.   I'm also encouraged to exercise and I'm trying to train for my 60 mile breast cancer walk in October.   A good friend said,  it is a balancing act, so true.
 
Wednesday July 8th 
 
I'm feeling better,  got a little more energy since I started a new round of supplemental treatment I get every week for 8 weeks.  Another 3 hours a week in the chemo room,  but this time for really good juice.  When I have my Herceptin treatment every 3 weeks, that is 5-6 hours in the chemo room a week.  I'm feeling better, but I think my butt is getting flatter.  :)  My new supplemental treatment s helping with my neuropathy and energy level.   As I have began to not have such pain in my hands, arms and legs.   Today,  I take Kaylynn walking on town lake in Austin.
 
You began to really appreciate the things you use to do on a normal basis when it is taken from you.    Kaylynn loved being on the trail and loves seeing all the dogs.   You can now ask her what does a dog say?  She says, whoof whoof.   She pointed at every one that passed us.   She even began to cry when I started to put her into the car, she wanted to keep walking.   I would do that walk 2-3 times a week with Reeve and Kaylynn had her first ride at 17 months.   We are getting back to speed.
 
I had a great 35th birthday.   Most of you know,  how much I LOVE my birthday.  I think birthdays are very special.  Now I really appreciate every year even more, remembering life is precious.    I took the morning all to myself and went to the gym and saw a great movie.  It was nice.   I felt alive.  
 
We had a great 4th of July.   We went swimming, played, had a lot of fun,  Larry went crazy with the fireworks again.   Just enjoying the simple things in life and summer. 
 
We leave for New York July 20th for Kaylynn's next round.   We have a new laser treatment July 21st with our favorite Dr. Waner, we then see our cardiologist to make sure Kaylynn's heart is repairing from the steroids.   July 22nd we go to the ophthalmologist to make her sight is improving and morning glory is not effecting her sight, and then to Dr. Blei our hematologist to eview any changes regarding her development and PHACE syndrome.    Kaylynn will have another MRI/MRA in Austin soon.   I'll update everyone after our New York trip.
 
It has been 8 months since I was diagnosed.  We have come a far way.   Things have began to calm down at times.  There is not a day that I don't count my blessings,  think about all of you, my support group and smile.   I appreciate every prayer, every word, every gesture.   You all have made my life that much better.
 
Hugs,
Traci

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May 23, 2008

Taxol Round 10, 11, & 12 Herceptin Only!

Winning the battle!    
 
I've been trying to find the time to send out a message but I seem to always be behind.    Normal with kids,  but doctor appointments started to hit again, and I got hit really hard with Taxol/Herceptin Round 11.
 
Taxol, one of the current drugs I'm taking, has pretty bad side effects.  That is why the first time they gave it to me over 5 hours.  Most people only make it 6-8 treatments.  Well,   I have done really well on it and made it to 11. 
 
Anyway,  after treatment number 10 I started getting slow again.  Hurting.  Pain shooting through my legs, arms and hands.   Then my mouth started getting really dry and I had a split in my tongue.    I was complaining of  pressure and tightness.  I thought it was just swelling. 
 
Well,   for the first time after round number 11,  I could NOT get out of bed after chemo.   I tried to step out of bed, but I got shocks of pains on the balls of my feet and toes.  I couldn't do anything with my hands.   I called Larry up and told him I hurt not only in my legs this time, but my arms, my mastectomy area, my hands.  I thought I might be having a heart attack because, Herceptin, the other drug, causes heart problems.  Larry said I was flushed red in the face.  I was in so much pain. 
 
No heart problems.  I was experiencing, Neuropathy.   Scared the hell out of me.
 

Symptoms of peripheral neuropathy:

  • Numbness, tingling (feeling of pins and needles) of hands and/or feet
  • Burning of hands and/or feet
  • Numbness around mouth
  • Constipation
  • Loss of sensation to touch
  • Loss of positional sense (knowing where a body part is without looking).
  • Weakness and leg cramping or any pain in hands and/or feet
  • Difficulty picking things up or buttoning clothes

I am very fortunate that I have made it 11 treatments and just started having bad side effects.  Due to my nerve ending causing me pain,  I did not do round 12 of Taxol.     Usually by Wednesday, day before chemo I feel better, but I was hurting through the whole week.    I really had the reality of CANCER SUCKS hit me hard this time.

 

 I went for my first Cat scan since being diagnosed.    Okay, the reality of cancer hit me again.   It is very emotional to sit in those machines while they scan your body and you wait for results to see if there is any cancer in your body.   Anything that goes wrong that day gives you nerves as you wait to find out if your winning the battle.    I've read about these feelings and heard about them from my good friend Michelle and my mom, but gosh,  can you say pins and needles?  It is like your life just become so much more precious so quickly.

 

The next day, I'm off for my first 3 week dose of chemo/Herceptin.    As I'm getting checked in to see my oncologist you think no one wants to look at you because they had bad news.   I'm nervous as I'm getting my weekly blood counts done.    Dr. Fain comes in the room and gives me a hug.   He asks how I"m doing.    I tell him about my continue pain from the neuropathy.   We talk about getting me extra help at home while I'm recovering.  It takes 4-8 weeks for the Taxol to get out of your body.  2 steps forward, 1 step back.

 

I look at him and say Cat scan results?    My pelvis, stomach, chest. lungs, liver all clear.  YES,  I'm cancer free!    BUT,  always a but,   there is a small spot under my left arm that has grown from 1.5 cm to 2.0cm.    Breathe!   Breathe!    It doesn't look like cancer of a lymph node since they took those all out.     It looks dead not growing like cancer,  they think it is post surgery problems.   Dr. Fain pages my surgeon.

 

I love my surgeon, Dr. Lindsey.   He is so good to me and has been from the start.  I have been blessed by my doctors.   I got to his office right after chemo for an ultrasound and biopsy where he drains the fluid.  Good thing about not having boobs is I didn't feel a thing as the needle went inside me twice. :) The path results are back.  It was just a build up of fluid from surgery.   YES!    NO MORE CANCER!       

 

Next,  an echo to make sure the chemo is not effecting my heart.    All clear,   I'm still young.   Heart beating well.  

 

This last Thursday morning,  I wake up and for the first time in six months.   I felt good.  I could move, where was the pain?  Gone!    I'm coughing up green stuff, another sinus infection or something, but who gives a sh_t.  :)   Seriously!   I had some Traci energy back.   For the first time in 13 weeks,  I don't have to go to chemo.   I get to go to playgroup.    I walk 2.5 miles of hills pushing Kaylynn in the stroller.   I"M ALIVE!     I"M WINNING!    

 

Not all is going perfect, but when does it?    I'm back on antibiotics again.   Kaylynn is running a 102 degree fever today.  But the "H" is looking great.   Reeve has been having some MAJOR issues.   After talking with his Wonders & Worries child life specialist (this is the group that helps kids with parents of cancer),  we have figured out something is really stressing him out.    We will work through it.   I've got to find my sweet boy again.  Cancer or no cancer,  this is normal with kids.   

 

When I get frustrated,   I just think about how blessed I am in this world.    I stop,  look around,  feel the good, appreciate my husband, my mother-in-law that saves the day all the time,  all of you  who offer to do anything , the hugs, the kind words, the cards, the emails and KEEP SMILING!  

 

BTW,  my hair is coming back full force.   It looks like it might be dark or brown.   I've always been a true blonde,  so we will see.    I will be pissed if I have to start paying for hair coloring.   Then again,  if that is all I have to do after all of this.   Then,  maybe I won't complain.  :)

 

Love to you all,

Traci

 

 

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April 23, 2008

3 To Go!

Hello to all,
 
Tomorrow I have Taxol/Herceptin Treatment number 10.    3 to go!    Then Herceptin only every 3 weeks until Feb 2009.   I'm ready for the break. 
Well,   I've got scans, an echo, and need to take my iodine pill for my thyroid.   The thyroid pill is a whole other issue.  I'll fill all of you on that later.  But I'm getting there and having a new normal.  
 
I'm feeling better.   This round of chemo, since my red blood counts came back up, has not been bad.   Instead I got a bad sinus infection that wouldn't go away.  After 6 weeks,  I got a Cat Scan done and saw an Ear Nose and Throat doctor.   Like I really need another doctor, right?   Well, found out that Z-pack is NOT good for sinus infections.    I got put on Bactrim for 2 weeks,  it takes that long to get down in the sinus cavities.   Good point for everyone to know.  If it is NOT in your chest,  no Z-pack.    The good news,  I'm feeling better.   6 weeks of green and bloody snot, was not my sexiest trait.     Poor Larry.     
 
I've had some leg cramping again but get over it by mid-morning usually.   So I really can't complain.   
 
Let's see, what else,   well,  I'm starting to fill full of fluid throughout my body due to the steroids I have to take with Taxol.   Man,  this family has had enough of steroids.    I'm hoping to de-puff when I get off.   The doctor said I should.   I feel toxic right now.    My hair is growing back,  "my fuzzies" as Reeve calls it.    Some days it is black and some days it is blonde.   Who knows what my new look will be?    I do still enjoy the quick showers.   When I was putting mascara on a few weeks ago,  I thought I was running out, but then noticed that Taxol has decided to take my eyebrows and eyelashes.  They are trying to grow back at the same time.   Could I look more like an alien?  
 
I've started to work out again.  Feels great!  I got tears in my eyes the first time back at the gym and lifting my HUGE 5 lb weights.  :)    I've walked the last two days with Kaylynn and took her to the park.   I feel like a stay at home mom again.    As I walked to the park the today,  I just kept smiling,  remember how I got to do this with Reeve and loved doing it again with Kaylynn.   I'm the first to admit I'm a stay at home mom,  but not really. I need the balance of some breaks and using some of my other strengths.  But it is funny how Cancer can make you appreciate every little part of your world that much more.    How when you have no control,   and you get back to something that was taken from you,   you grap a hold of the moment deeply from within.   
 
Reeve is getting back to normal.   Typical 3.5 year old boy with lots of testosterone and thinks he has to win at everything.   Kaylynn might be crazier than her brother was at 14 months.   Funny how boys and girls are different.  Larry and I would worry about Reeve jumping off the couch.   Kaylynn just likes to get into everything, from the cabinet, to the toliet, to the trash. Could we make more messes?    And man,  Girl Drama,   Geez!    Her hemangioma continues to improve.   We are scheduled to go to NY July 21st.     Larry has begun to handle the new normal better.   I feel less stress coming off him.   I'm so lucky to have him at my side.   I'm waiting for him to explode.   That's why I'm getting him back to the gym as much as possible too.  
 
I wanted to say "thank you again" to all of you.  Your words, emails, cards, gifts, dinners, phone calls, help, carpooling Reeve are so much appreciated everyday.     All of you have helped us get through one of the hardest times and bring tears of joy in my eyes every time I think about it. 
 
I would also like to say a special BIG THANK YOU to Larry's mom, Mama.   She has been hear every Wednesday night through Thursday taking care of us and the kids while I got to chemo every Thursday.    She does all my laundry, cleans the house, and keeps Kaylynn all day and then Reeve when he gets home from school.   That is a lot in the Kolinek household and to be 66 years old.    I don't know what I would do without her.   Love you!  
 
Hugs,
Traci

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April 17, 2008

UT Tour Bevo

It was a good night for the Kolineks.   Wonders and Worries is an incredible non-profit organization here in Austin Texas that helps kids whose parents have cancer.
 
 
Reeve has been meeting with them weekly since I was dignosed.  And his 45 minute one on one session, by himself, has helped so much.   He meets with a child life specialist, Jackie, who is amazing.     She has taught us so much in dealing with me fighting cancer.    
 
They hold events for the family too.   I have met many nice ladies with cancer and understand what I'm going through right now.   Having young kids and cancer.   
 
Well, tonight, Wednesday night,  we got to get a private tour of the UT Football Locker Rooms, Training Room, Trophy Room etc.  All the players were just walking around.    It was amazing.  You know how we bleed orange in this family.   Then we got to hear from Mack Brown and other coaches like Major Applewhite and then all the kids got to run around the football field with the football players.   Get autographs, see BEVO, and hear the band play.    We even got free gifts.   It was so amazing.   I almost forgot I had Cancer.  :)
 
Check out the pictures:

 

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March 31, 2008

Chemo Round 9, 8, 7 Moving Along

Only 6 more straight treatments for Taxol/Herceptin and then every 3 weeks of Herceptin until Feb 2009.   We are getting there.   Although,  I'm getting weaker by the week.    The good news is that chemo does not make me sick, it just makes me slow.   I feel weak with no energy almost all the time.   I'm slow to get out of bed in the morning.   I'm not tired, just really slow.   My legs cramp up a lot, and I shake more now.   I seem to like dropping things now.    It really sucks to be 34 and feel 80.  No offense, Papaw. 
 
I think I'm so tired now,  I don't have the strength to get frustrated about not having control over a lot.   But now I get pissed that the smallest tasks are so tiring.   I am so lucky that Austin has had beautiful weather.  The sun on make face keeps me smiling and moving.   I try to play outside with the kids every afternoon.   And I'm not stopping.   I rest but not stopping.
 
We have had fun times at the Kolinek House lately.  My family, Shaun, Kris, Maddy (6), Wesley (3.5) and Gus came to Austin to celebrate my mom's dad, my Papaw, 80th birthday.   It was good to have the family all together.   The kids had more energy and were on the go the whole time.   I just wanted to feel good so I could play too.    Gus lived in the kitchen and helped make an incredible lunch/dinner for us.   Gus is good for kitchen duty and cooking.  :)   Usually I keep him busy with a honey to do list.    Kris, my sister in law,   would take on all four kids at once.   Yikes!
 
The next week we so happy to see our good friends from Chicago, Koviaks.   Bob, Nicole and Baby Alexi (who is 4 days younger than Baby Kaylynn)  came to help.    They filled the house full of fun, food, cooked great meals, and Bob stayed in the kitchen.   Watching Bob play with the two girls was so sweet. While the girls where napping,  Nicole would play Wii with Reeve.   Baby Alexi and Baby Kaylynn had a blast together. They would just love on each other.   So much,  Kaylynn didn't want to nap much.   Reeve loved chasing the girls,  Easter morning when the Easter bunny came,  the Koviaks had left early in the morning before we all woke up,   Reeve saw the Easter eggs and gifts and went to get Alexi (or the New Baby as he called her) a bucket to get her eggs.   He is my little care giver, when he is not telling mommy and daddy "no" now.  :)  
 
Because of me being tired,  I get frustrated easier.   I want my "old" life back.   But I will look at all this a new way,  right now,  we just need to get me healthy.  I figure I have a choice,  I can either to sit around and be depressed and sorry for myself.    Or I can take this head on, continue to enjoy everyday as a gift,  count my MANY blessings, be thankful for the support of my friends and love ones.    And then get stronger and give.   I choose a good life. 
 
I'm sending this today in memory of my mom, who passed away March 31, 2005 of Breast Cancer.  She was truly my best friend.    I can't believe I haven't got to physically talk to her in three years or hug her.    It is true,  it gets easier, but it is NEVER easy.    Today was a little harder since I am currently fighting breast cancer.    On the way to taking Reeve to school,  I was turning on the kids CD of music but my CD of music came on from my KC Friends.  Song Below:
 
(Melissa Etheridge)

It's been years since they told her about it
The darkness her body possessed
And the scars are still there in the mirror
Everyday that she gets herself dressed
Though the pain is miles and miles behind her
And the fear is now a docile beast
If you ask her why she is still running
She'll tell you it makes her complete

[Chorus:]
I run for hope
I run to feel
I run for the truth
For all that is real
I run for your mother your sister your wife
I run for you and me my friend I run for life

It's a blur since they told me about it
How the darkness had taken its toll
And they cut into my skin and they cut into my body
But they will never get a piece of my soul
And now I'm still learning the lesson
To waken when I hear the call
And if you ask me why I am still running
I'll tell you I run for us all

[Chorus]

And someday if they tell you about it
If the darkness knocks on your door
Remember her remember me
We will be running as we have before
Running for answers
Running for more


 

I just teared up and let it go.   Then I looked back at my two beautiful kids and smiled.   (Reeve just looked at me.)  He said Mom Gus is in Heaven with Jesus.  I said "yes".     He then asked when she was coming back?    I knew mom was there to help me smile.    I then decided that I would drop Reeve off,  call Gus,  buy myself some beautiful flowers, and donate money to the Komen 60 mile walk I will do in October in memory of my mom.   My flowers are beautiful just like the my mom was from the inside and outside. 

 

It has been a hard year.   I get pissed,  I hate not being myself,   I cry of frustration,   I have fun,  we have good times,  I get tired, I'm slow,  but I'm alive.     And I learned to live my life the right way from my MOM.    I will carry her spirit with me forever and pass it on to my babies.

 

Thank you all for being my caring.   Thank you for all your help and support.   

 

Love,

Traci 



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March 11, 2008

Red Devil Final Round #4, 12, 11, 10 Taxol/Herceptin

Hello to all!   Every week chemo is keeping me busy.
My last round of Red Devil was February 7th.    YEAH!  I walked out of the chemo room smiling with my friend Tiffany Willett.  I did it! That weekend I slept more than ever.    Friday my normal afternoon nap,  almost all day Saturday, and then Sunday morning.  By Sunday afternoon,  it was a beautiful day in Austin 70 degrees and sunny,  we went to a carnival and birthday party.   

Monday seems to be one of my worst days on chemo.    I wake up feeling better, probably over do it, and by afternoon get knocked down.  Well, Monday Feb 11th,  I got hit hard.    I was struggling for energy, dizzy and weak.  Tuesday I found out in my blood work that my red blood counts and hemoglobin were way down.    Good news,  white blood counts to fight infection were staying strong,  bad new red blood counts down and made me extremely tired.  Good new, they have a shot that burns and gives you flu like symptoms for that too.    Wednesday, Feb 12th we went to NYC with Kaylynn.  That was the Round 9 "H" update.

Next round of chemo drugs started Feb 21st.  Taxol and Herceptin.  I have 12 straight weeks of chemo to go and then I will go once every three weeks until Feb 2009.  These drugs are not to suppose to be as hard on the body.    I also have to take the iodine pill for my thyroid cancer in May or June. 

My red blood counts were back up, not high, but at the minimum lows and white still staying high.  So back to the chemo room both Thursday and Friday.  They needed to separate out the drugs the first time to make sure I didn't stop breathing or something.  Gotta love chemo drugs,  (actually I do since they are saving my life) but crap can't they make chemo drugs that let you feel as good as illegal drugs.    So Thursday and Friday, Feb 21 & 22nd,  I sat in the chemo room both days for about 5 plus hours.  Thursday I had two visitors, Jill Disorbo, who kept a 79 year old lady, who looked 60, happy and became her new friend and Heather Drew who brought me and the pregnant Jill Disorbo hamburgers and pizza.  Friday I had my friend Jill McClellan sit by my side.  Jilly Willy can always make you laugh.   Not too bad,  lots of drugs, but easier than the Red Devil.  Friday night I told Larry how much I was tired of drugs. 

The best part of the last 12 days was that Mrs. Jill McClellan came to take care of our family again from Washington DC.  Leaving Scott, her husband, in the cold DC weather with the dogs.  For all of you that know Jill,  she fakes the blonde hair.  She runs a house with two kids better than me.  I think she doesn't realize how much talent she has.    Her food is delicious, all laundry is always done, house clean, and  the kids love to play with her, she can decorate and an amazing photo journalist type of photographer.     

She didn't set the house on fire.    Jill did get a full dose of the Kolinek house in action.  While Larry went to a conference last weekend, the kids got a small stomach bug which brought on not so fun diarrhea.    The best is last Friday morning when I looked at her at 6:30am helping Reeve after he puked in bed,  saying,  "I don't do puke well."  I cleaned up Reeve she took on the sheets.  We made a deal,  I do poop,  Jill does puke.  Luckily Reeve only puked once. 

Number 11 chemo was Feb 28th.    Wednesday Feb 27th I could feel again my red bloods down.  I was exhausted in the afternoon.  The burning shot with flu like symptoms would be given again to me during chemo.  Are we having fun yet?  :)    Since I did well the week before I got both drugs together.  I decided to do chemo in the afternoon so I could take the kids to playgroup on Thursday.    BTW,  Jilly Willy got suckered into marathon playgroup with one of the other mothers, Karen,  that day.  I owe them some margaritas.  Karen and Jill had a 7 month old, 1 year old,  14 month old, and Three- 3.5 year olds while Krista and I went to chemo all mid-morning/afternoon.    Needless to say, when Krista and I got back at 6pm,  with their glossy eyes they said "it was good, we had fun".  I saw in their eyes,  "we survived,  no one got hurt"    I was bouncing like Tigger because of the steroids they give me.  If  I could have,  I would have taken everyone out for a BIG FAT MARGARITA!   

To make sure I don't have a reaction to the taxol they now give me more steroids.  I guess God wanted me to understand what Kaylynn felt like the first 6 months of her life, in a way.  I went home wired and not able to sleep that night.  Thursday I do get a nice burst of energy.   My poor baby girl,  but hey we have been done with steroids for over 6 months now.  YES!  Bye bye "H".     

Number 11 hit me harder.  I was good on Saturday,  Sunday the flu like symptoms hit, and Monday I was weak.  Tuesday I had the worst stomach/nausea.  I think I got a little of the stomach bug.  My red blood counts are still down.  Who knows, when your taking chemo,  you feel sick all the time, or nausea, or bone aches.    I'll say it again "Cancer Sucks!"

Today, March 6  Number 10.  Red blood counts are still down but not lower.  Just keep saying,  9 more to go.  9 more to go.  Or as Dori in Find Nemo says "just keep swimming, just keep swimming"    I will continue to swim for a long time.    Summer is coming and our pool will be open soon.    I'm ready to  jump in and make a big splash. 

Keep smiling! 

Love to all,
Traci

 
Feeling much better this week.   I am starting to really fight not having much control over my life right now.   It has been over 4 months now.  I hate when I can't just take care of my kids,  can keep the house the way I want to,  I'm always readjusting some plan or schedule, and I can't seem to catch up with anything I want to do.    But I have all of you, life, family, and love.   What else do I need?   I'm  ready for Round 9 on Thursday.  
 
I've attached a picture of Larry and I at the Fundraiser in Austin at Chris Roberts House for y'all who haven't seen my bald head.   It has a little fuzz now.

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February 4, 2008

Red Devil Round #3

I'm behind on my updates.   But with all the amazing fundraisers (good) and  Kaylynn not sleeping well (bad),  I'm just keeping up.     We will get separate emails out about the fundraisers.  AMAZING!       
 
Round #3 was Jan 24th and was much better and easier than #2.  My recovery was hard and long from round #2.  The day of chemo my blood work and white blood counts were up again.   I put on some weight, and was ready to go.    Dr. Fain, oncologist,  was happy to see I was maintaining my every other week schedule.   Chemo was Thursday,  that afternoon I was wiped out from the drugs and the nausea hit me hard that night.   I still ate dinner and helped get the kids to bed.   I then got a good nights sleep.   Friday I woke up,  took Reeve to school,  went to get the now only 7 minute burning shot,  picked Reeve up from school, then came home and crashed for two hours.   I woke up and felt great.   So myself,  Aunt Paula and Danielle our sitter took the kids to Chucky Cheeses.   Yes,  I was feeling good.     Larry got to go have a drink and cigar with friend neighbor.  Yes,  and night away.  I know,  we were being a normal family.   
 
The weather was beautiful so Saturday Larry and Reeve went to run around.   Aunt Paula and I took Kaylynn out to Lunch and walking around our new galleria mall.    It was nice to have the warmth and sun hit my face and bald head.  :)     Sunday I even went out with some girlfriends to a small play.    I know,  normal again.     Feels good!     I did go down a little on Monday and Tuesday.  But I think some of it had to do with Kaylynn not sleeping well.    Doing better again!    
 
Larry and I started yoga last week.    I'm trying to build back some strength,  get Larry and I out for one night a week and breath.   It was great.   As most of you know Larry,   he could stand on one leg and hold the other leg straight out.   My crazy able to do the splits husband.    I felt great after the session,  a little weak in the arms while doing some of the poses, but I must say I did well due to my wiggly arms and weak body.   :)
 
Round #4 and final chemo is this Thursday, Feb 7th.   I'm ready and can't wait to be done.   I pray it goes as well and I feel good.   I must say, I'm glad to live in Texas and the warmth.  It helps!      Kaylynn turns 1 this Friday.  My sweet baby girl, who is not so sweet sometimes now,  might just be crazier than little Reeve was at 1.   Scary, huh?      Larry always asks why are kids are so crazy,  hum????   Did I marry Crazy Larry?  
 
We head to NY City again Feb 13th and 14th for Round #9 of laser treatment.   The "H" is still growing in areas.   But it will stop and it is fading in other areas.     Reeve is doing better with all the change.    He is handling "my boobie spot" much better.     He goes once a week to an organization called Worries and Wonders here is Austin for a personal one of one counseling session with a child life specialist, Jackie.   He love it and gets to let go and talk about all that has gone on with Kaylynn & Mommy and doctors appts.    They know what they are doing.     Larry  is I believe allowing himself to breath again and not stress as much.   Men, sometimes things are out of everyone control and you can't fix everything.   But we love having you by our sides and caring.     
 
Yes,  Cancer might Suck,  but we are winning the battle.   
 
I will send updates on Kaylynn,   updates and pictures of the fundraisers, and Round #4 Red Devil soon.  Big Hugs to you all!   You touch our lives daily and keep us all smiling.     PS.   I love the fact that you forward my messages on to your friends and loved ones.   Education on the hemangioma and breast cancer is what it is all about.     I am here to help anyone or answer any questions.  
 
Love to you all,
Traci     

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