I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas and Happy New Year!    I did not send out Christmas cards this year,  but really enjoy all of yours.   

 

The Kolineks are doing really well, as most of you, since we are out doing all the joyful things in life again on a consistent basis.   Reeve is doing well in Kindergarten,   Kaylynn loves preschool,   Larry's business keeps him always busy, and I continue to keep up with our medical and being a stay home mommy needs. 

 

Regarding Medical,   my two year scans where all clear.   BEST NEWS!    So this Thursday, Jan 21st.  I will start the reconstruction process of growing boobies.   It will be a six month plus process, but SO worth it.    Thursday will be my hardest surgery,  as they will cut my peck muscles in two areas and put in expanders to start stretching my skin.    I got some nice prescription pain killers again and muscle relaxers. That should be fun.     I will have those damn drainage tubes (4 of them) coming out of me for two weeks.    It's hard to get boobs,  you men are lucky.     And btw the way,  not wearing a bra for the last two years,  WONDERFUL!    Helps when you work out too.  

 

After the expanders are put in and I heal.   I will start going weekly for a fill up of saline.   I will continue to grow my new boobies until I say stop.   They will definitely look fake since they will be up to my chin while the skin stretches out.  When I say stop,  the doctor will fill me some more,  so that when the implants are put in (yes, another surgery)  I will drop.    Luckily,  I've always been very open about my cancer, so it won't be a shock to many.  

 

I will say,  I'm very excited to get my women figure back.  I  did enjoy the two years of freedom.   I'm sure Larry will be happy about it.  :)      I've learned about going through the last 2 years with Kaylynn's hemangioma and my cancer.    Some of the most amazing changes in my life have occurred.    And I can honestly say,   I'm the lucky one!     People who are around me daily,  I believe know exactly what I'm talking about.   

 

Kaylynn is looking wonderful.   She is a total spit fire with so MUCH independence.   So demanding.    So smart.   She tests mommy and daddy daily.   Or as I have come to realize "a mini me"    Geez,  I don't know how my mom did it being a single mom.     Everyday,  I think of my mom often and wish I could have her here on this earth with me.   But I have truly come to realize she is with me more now than ever before.   (one of the lucky reasons of me surviving cancer)   

 

A lot of you ask for updates on my dear friend Michelle,   words are hard to write to explain how I feel about her.   I just tear up writing this, but have learned to smile more as she has always made me laugh so much.    Her beautiful smile and face just lights up your heart.   Someone who is beautiful outside and inside.    Michelle's cancer is progressing rapidly.   She is continuing on her life journey by finishing up her bucket list.  (another reason to be lucky of surviving cancer)  It is not just a saying "LIVE IN THE MOMENT".  You truly don't know how many moments you have on this earth.    Michelle started a trail drug this week, we all pray this is the one.   It only takes one.     Instead of getting sad regarding the progressing of Michelle's cancer,   smile and think of something wonderful and send her that beautiful energy you feel inside.   

 

I don't really like New Year's resolutions, since they seem so short term.  So don't forget to write down your 2010 life goals for the year and go for it!    Some of mine, is to do the Danskin Triathlon in June, understand and live Eckart Tolle's work (so many wonderful things can come from this),  start more again for Larry.

 

I'll send boobies progress reports.  

 

Hugs to you all,

Traci

Today we got some of the best news.    Kaylynn's kidney tests came back really good.   Both the left and right are the same size and functioning at good levels.  No scaring has been done by the bladder reflux.   The older sonogram was wrong.   

 

SO  We canceled the December surgery and get to wait a year to see if we get any improvement on the reflux.     If not, we will decide on surgery again.  But for now,  we get to enjoy our Christmas Break and my little baby girl does not have to feel bad.     

 

I was doing the party dance in the doctors office today.   My stress level went so low, that I just want to cry of joy for her.  

 

We leave for Irvine, CA for laser Thursday.  Larry and I are thinking this might be it for awhile.   

 

Smiling with joy today,

Traci, Larry, Reeve & Kaylynn 

 

May 27, 2009  

 

Kaylynn had her 13th Hemangioma Laser in Irvine, CA again.    Mommy and Kaylynn went by ourselves this time.    All went well on the plane ride, we got a car and headed to the hotel that Papa Gus got for us with points.   Since Papa Gus travels frequently,  we were on the premiere level at the Marriott, which meant Kaylynn and I had access to the concierge lounge.   So my beautiful 2 year old girl and I decided to go have appetizers, milk and cookies for dinner with the business people.  

 

Kaylynn laser went really well again the next morning.  The changes from the 3 lasers  treatments with Dr. Nelson are amazing.   Dr. Nelson used 3 different types of lasers on her face this time and you can really tell the difference.    Kids in her preschool class don't even ask "what happened anymore?"    In recovery, Kaylynn, just gets pissed and tells Dr. Nelson to "GET BACK"   I love that she gets pissed at them not me.

 

Because Kaylynn has been under anesthesia so many times,  her poor body does not like it, so on the 405 in California with 6 lanes of traffic, she threw up twice.  Poor thing and finally passed out until we got to LAX airport.   Funny part of it was when with got to the rental car drop off and she heard the music playing, she starting dance and pulling the suitcase.   It was over.   

 

Next laser is Oct 9th in California.   We are not sure how many more, but the way it looks I think we are close to being done.     If we got stuck now, we would be more than happy with the results.  But you know for your child, you want perfection on a little face. 

 

Other news for the Kolineks,

 

Hum?   I tell you, we can keep the medical community busy.    Larry was diagnosed with Type I Diabetes, yes Larry.    We were in complete shock for a few days, but took charge and Larry is doing great and using very little insulin because of our healthy almost all veggie eating plan.   Send me good veggie recipes, with chicken or anything, I need the help.

 

I'm doing really well.   Feeling stronger and had a great 60 miles 3 Day walk.   It was amazing and I love every minute of it.  The best part this year was having my family at the cheering station and my beautiful sign they surprised me with during the walk.   Awareness is power!   I'm doing all my follow up scan, appts now.  Whew!     November 2, 2007 will be my two year marker and scans in early December.    Moving forward!    Growing boobies for the second time in my life in Jan 2010. 

 

Reeve started Kindergarten and is doing great.    He is my healthy, strong. steady one.   I love that all we do is go to his annual check ups.     Go Reeve!     I feel for him though.   He has handled this all very well but the medical appts just keep coming and he has to just keep understanding.   

 

Kaylynn was diagnosed with Bladder Reflux last year, we have been giving her prophylactic antibiotics every night for over a year to prevent bladder infections.    What happens is when she urinates some of the urine goes back up into the bladder and creates infections.  Well,   she got worse and now stage IV, which means it goes up to her Kidney's.  

 

After meeting with the pediatric urologist on Thursday,  we have to get more tests done since the last two comparable ultrasounds of her Kidney's show uneven growth activity.  They are now looking at possible Kidney scaring.  

 

Seriously, I say to myself.   Can't this VERY active little girl of mine just get a break from the medical world.    With my medical treatments I just do what I need to do,  I get frustrated that at any given week we can have up to 6 doctor appts.  But I understand it has to be done.   Kaylynn does not understand, she is amazing at the doctors office (different child) but she doesn't want to go anymore.  SERIOUSLY?

 

So we are having two more tests run to check her Kidney's.   We can't be on antibiotics her whole life, we can't  damage her Kidney's and then have to get Kidney transplants, so in December Kaylynn will most likely have her first cutting surgery to fix the bladder reflux.   Our poor baby girl.    

 

And get this,  my very active, climbing child, will have to be calm for 10 days during recovery.   I can't wait for the doctors and nurses at Dell Children's in Austin to figure that one out.    Here comes the Kolinek family, watch out.  :) 

 

I have to say,  we are really well.  We are getting back to normal most days and having fun.   Larry and I are going to our first UT Game together this weekend in a long time.  Something we really love,  thank you McClellan's for helping us get tickets.  

 

See,  I told you,   we "Just Keep Swimming, Just Keep Swimming" 

 

Pictures are from the Breast Cancer 3 Day Walk,  Reeve 1st Day of Kindergarten, Kaylynn First Day Back to Preschool

 

We updated www.hinthcity.com     Check it out!

 

Hugs to you all and hope all is wonderful for you,

Traci, Larry, Reeve & Kaylynn Kolinek

 

The other day in my workout class I was reminded of my double mastectomy.  As I was lifting weights and nerve pain shot down my left arm.  A reminder of where I got my cancer lymph nodes striped and removed.    I got so pissed I teared up for a minute and then I realized,  I'm working out and alive today. I'm cancer free.  It is a good day.  

 

I will walk each mile with many emotions, with my mom by my side, Michelle on my mind, and hear so many stories, and see so many faces on the back of people's T-shirts.  I will smile, cry, laugh, and breathe in the air knowing that I am a SURVIVOR and I can walk 60 miles.   

 

The best part will be when Larry, Kaylynn and Reeve will meet me at one of the cheering stations.   Seeing their smiling faces will remind how life is so precious and beautiful.  

 

I want let everyone know that I thank you from my heart for all your support and kindness, allowing me to experience this walk, as I have been through a big journey since my mom was first diagnosed in October 2001.  I really never was a PINK girl, but that changed quickly.    :) 

 

Let's roll!   

 

Love to you all,

Traci

I started writing this Feb 20.   Always behind, but living life well.  

 

Yesterday was an incredible day.    It was my last chemo treatment.   I started Dec 27th 2007 and finished Feb 19, 2009.    Whew!   I did it and it felt great.   I woke up excited!   It was a beautiful sunny day.   The best surprise was that my amazing friend "Michelle Stage IV Cancer Friend in Remission"   joined me with a beautiful "PINK" rose and some cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory.  YUM!

 

I had read from many survivors that the day you walk out of the chemo room could be frightening because you are no longer receiving cancer treatments.   NOT FOR ME,   I was smiling walking next to my dear friend Michelle, thinking.   I'm not heading back here, ever.   I'm finished and moving forward. 

 

It felt good to find out I don't need to see my oncologist for 3 months.  He told me,  you are too healthy to be here,  get out.   That made me smile from the inside out.    

 

I don't want to bring down a good day.  And not having chemo is a HUGE event.  But I have always told "the raw" story of what it is like to have Cancer.   And I just wanted to let you all know,  that some of the hardest work is after Surgery and Chemo.   Yes,  I am having normal days, weeks etc.  I am working out hard in the gym and getting "me" back.  I'm getting stronger everyday.  I am alive.     But I'm not done.   You still have other appointments,  you have to heal your body from the toxins,  you are still figuring out your "new normal."

 

But as much good comes with the bad.   When I just sat which Michelle yesterday and a few us laughed in the chemo room about the drugs, the loss of hair, the loss of toes nails, the loss of eyebrows and eyelashes, the steroids that make you gain weight and not sleep,   I smiled big knowing that I have some of the best friends, family, and support team.   I am loved!   And I have more to be thankful for than I could ever complain about.  

 

Since writing this email,  my dear friend Michelle's cancer is back.   She is back in the chemo room and fighting again.   Please continue those prayers to lift her up.   As Michelle's awful news come,  the arrival of the much anticipated Baby Keeton Brady McClellan came Friday, March 13th.  YEA!  

 

Hugs,

Traci

 

After meeting with Dr. Nelson,  we decided to have Kaylynn's next laser treatments in CA with him.   Dr. Nelson specializes in many different lasers, and we felt he would be able to give us multiple laser options to improve Kaylynn's face.   She looks amazing now.  Better all the time,  but you don't stop giving your kids the best.  

 

A few other things helped make our decision too:   California trip is easier, especially when one of my dearest friends lives in the area with twin girls Kaylynn's age,  and Dr. Nelson takes our insurance.   Whew,  no $8000.00 a laser.  10 was enough.   Kaylynn's next laser is Jan 23rd.  I will keep you updated.   Should be interesting since she is almost two.   She is going to be pissed!  

 

They always say that the holidays can be emotional for people who have lost a love one.   In March,  it will be 4 years since I lost my mom to breast cancer.   And this holiday season seemed to be the hardest on me.    I don't know if the last seasons I was just too busy, especially with last year getting my first round of chemo the day after Christmas.   But this year,  I can't stop looking around and seeing all the grandma's with their grandchildren and realizing, that my children will never truly experience how wonderful of a person she was.   My heart aches as I just want her in the house with us.   I just want to talk to her and hug her.  I would do anything to have her back.  

 

Then I stop to realize she is around us everyday.  I talk to her and I know her holiday spirit resides inside me as I love the season so much.   Memories are strong in my head.

 

2 More Rounds of chemo treatment and I'm done.    I've had some good and bad news.  What's new?     I had my 1 year bone scan and cat scan.  ALL CLEAR!   This is what I should continue to think about.  I'm alive and clear.  Almost done and starting to boob shop in Jan.   

 

It is hard though,  when I thought after I was done that I would just go back to my old body.   Well,  it doesn't work that way.   I'm having the post cancer stress syndrome (this is what I call it). My nutritionist and friend says "the reality of the trauma and unfairness of the illness has landed".   Hum,   what chemo does for the body?  I could give you about 30 pages. Chemo,  It is saving my life,  but damn did chemo have to take a 35 year old with 2 young kids and turn her into 55 or older?   This is my age  for right now.

 

Where do I start?   I look in the mirror, and yes I have hair,  but miss my longer blonde hair a lot.   I'm in menopause and never thought I wanted estrogen so badly.  Since my body has aged,  I can look at food and gain weight.  My skin is extremely dry and trys and get acne.   I've lost all muscle mass in my body even after working out hard since April.   Chemo eats all muscle large and small.   My feet have so much pain in them that I can't walk barefoot.   I tire easily.   And the latest big blow,  was after a bone density test,  I'm in full osteoporosis at 35 years old.   Hum,  would that be why after working out I hurt for 5 or more days and my back hurts.    There are few other issues that I will just leave out.    So,  if you know someone who has been through chemo,  you can now relate to them being pissed off at times. 

 

A good friend had some great words to lift me up.    She told me that the day,  I don't want to have a strong, good looking body,  that I stop fighting against what chemo did to age and tear up my body,  is the day we have to worry about me.  But for now I should be pissed.   So,  I'm just going to stay pissed for awhile. 

 

I went to a lunch for Wonders & Worries that had the president, Doug Uhlman, of the Lance Armstrong Foundation, 3 time survivor.  He was told by Lance Armstrong, that "we" cancer survivors are the lucky ones?   What?   He was right.   See,   we have are hard days or times,  but we slow down,  take in the good times, and realize what really matters in the world and life.  We appreciate every day that we wake up.   So we keep going and come out stronger.  And our bodies can even come back stronger.

 

After seeing my nutritionist,  I now understand that yes,  my body is 55,  but my heart (still young) and soul is still 35 years old.   Chemo took all my white blood counts, good and bad.   But now my body is producing new baby ones that need to be retrained.   And with hard work, the right knowledge, and 3 years (life span of white blood cells)  I can come out of this with a stronger happier body.    So,  I will keep fighting and moving ahead.  

 

I now can see why Lance was able to come back stronger.   Not only did Cancer give him the will to live life stronger, but he trained his new body to be the best it ever could be in life.   Don't take your body for granted.   Aging is tough on the mind and spirit,  and make your body work for you for a  long time.  Take care of you!

 

So,  what's 2009 going to be for me?    Truly take care of myself.   Put myself first for at least an hour or more a day. Slow down and live in the moment!   If I'm feeling good,  happy, healthy,  then I can truly give back.   I will have the energy to enjoy my kids,  love more,  appreciate my incredible and strong husband, and give back to the people who have supported me.  

 

I hope you can all learn from my words.  

 

Love to you all,

Traci

 

 

 

Click on the play video in the middle.

 

  A local station is doing a whole series on breast cancer.  LOVE IT

 

To the most amazing people I know,

 

Thank you for making something very dear to me a reality.   We did it!  You helped raise over $29,000,  that is amazing.   I'm just smiling from ear to ear and tear up thinking about it.   All nine of us on Team Cancer Sucks walked 60 miles each.  We did it all!   And I'm proud to say,  it was one of the best groups to walk next to.  I wanted to tell all the daddies of Team Cancer Sucks and their helpers,  thank you for letting your wives walk next to me.   It means more than I can express.

 

What an inspirational trip.  Flying with my oldest dearest friend, Heather from KC.  Sitting and having an delicious meals and wine prepared by Jill McClellan with my team.  Surrounded by amazing people and incredible friends.  Thank you Scott and Jill for opening your very warm house. 

Day 1 up at 4:30.  Let's go walk.  I bounced into the opening ceremonies excited to be there and ready to walk.  I took it all in and realized how many people had raised money and cared.  After a 14 hour day,  walking over 22 miles. Heather KC was barely walking.  Gus popped a blister that covered all of Marcie's pinkie toe.  Wine was a favorite at night.

Day 2 Up at 5:30.  Much better day.  We were done by 2:30 and out to eat the best burgers in town from Five Guys.  We moved slowing that night,  but enjoyed wine, friendship, and Jilly's homemade desserts.  Icy Hot almost burned off my hamstrings and luckily Marcie reminded my when I was headed to the bathroom not to touch the privates after Icy Hot.  Yikes, that would have hurt.   Wine, Movie and Great Friends!

Day 3 Last Day.  We can do it.  We walked through Virginia over to Georgetown, through downtown DC and past the White House and the Capital.  We finished around 530 out of 3000 people.  We celebrate our completion with some beer before the closing ceremonies. 

We walked with blisters, bad knees, sore legs,  our feet had shooting pains running through them.  But we knew that we would recover, that chemo was not needed to cure our pain, and that we didn't have to fight for our lives because of walking.   We, with your help, were helping save lives. 

 

At closing ceremonies,  I looked at 3000 walkers in white shirts I said to myself "for you mom"    As I walked with my pink shirt on with all the survivors.  I raised my arms high, high, high in the air.  Tears rolled down my face as I thought… I did it, I beat breast cancer, I'm alive, and I'm happy.    It was the first time,  I really considered myself a survivor.  November 2, 2008 I will be one year out.    YES!

During this time of politics,  bad market, war,  this walk allows you to realize.. there is good in the world. 

I walked because I believe.    Because Everyone Deserves a Lifetime…  Who's coming next year for 60 more?

 

 

 

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