Why would this day be so hard?

by Traci on March 31, 2011

in Family

March 31, 2011

Was it really March 31st 2005 in the early morning when my mom went to heaven? Feels like yesterday since the feelings are so raw. Why is it as this day comes near, the whole week, I go into a funk, have low energy and just not motivated. It would not be a celebration day. It is not like her birthday, where I would have called her, got her a card and gift, or been with her. It just plan sucks!!

A lot of memories come back during this week. Good and bad, and it is amazing how clear every event that occurred that week is so vivid. Every words spoken, every smell, every touch, and every minute.

I know and believe she is around me all the time. But I still struggle with just getting quite and listening to her. I do know the times she is pissed at me. :) She never met Kaylynn, but I know she gave me that girl to remember her everyday and the payback for having me. SHIT! She did not want me to be a bored mom.

I don’t remember taking my mom for granted. I remember being annoyed at her, but never wanted her away from me. I talked to her almost everyday, and she just knew how to lead me in the right direction. I have the greatest respect for her. Funny how you miss being directed the right way when it is gone. I always say “I am the CEO of me.” But when it came to my mom, she lead the way by teaching me to make the right decisions and learn from my mistakes.

A dear friend of mine, lost her Dad 1 year and 4 days before my mom passed. Someone that was meant to be part of my life, and very special to me. I was actually at her house when I got the call, to come home to Kansas City and say goodbye. We were going to have dinner together as families. My mom passed 1 year on the exact day that was her dad’s funeral. Her dad was to her, like my mom was to me. A huge part of our lives!!!

On her 2 year and my 1 year, we took our 1.5 year olds to the San Antonio zoo. They moved to Florida so the other years we just talked and felt for each other. But they are back in Austin again, and we have now decide that that week will become “Fun” event for us to bring our families together. Let the planning begin!!!

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Michelle’s Obit

by Traci on February 2, 2011

in Michelle

Michelle Tull Bynum, age 38, a resident of Georgetown, Texas, formerly of Round Rock, passed away January 26, 2011. Michelle was born July 4, 1972 in Dallas, Texas to Frank and Lawann (Lemley) Tull.

She was a friend to many, generous and loving to all who were fortunate enough to have been a part of her life and she will be greatly missed. She was a graduate of the University of Texas and taught in the Round Rock Independent School District. A member of Gateway Church in Austin, Michelle lived life to the fullest and fought the good fight participating in several Susan G. Komen “Race For The Cure” events. A video about Michelle’s battle with breast cancer told in her own words can be seen athttp://vimeo.com/12856942.

Michelle is survived by her husband Brad Bynum and son Reid of Georgetown, Texas, her parents Frank and Lawann Tull of Georgetown, Texas, sister Tiffany Barber of Round Rock, Texas and Mother-in-law Gayela Bynum of Alexandria, Virginia.

Memorials or donations are encouraged by friends for Reid Bynum, Wonders & Worries (an Austin based organization which helps children and their families cope when a parent or caregiver living with a chronic or life-threatening illness), 923 Westbank Drive, Ste C, Austin, TX 78746 or the Susan G. Komen Foundation, Austin.

A Memorial Service will be held at 3:00 PM, Sunday, January 30th at Gateway Church, 7104 McNeil Dr., Austin,Texas.

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Michelle is Free

by Traci January 27, 2011

Michelle passed last night at 3:30am.   She is free of Cancer, free of Pain.  She is in Heaven! She is one of the most amazing people I have in my life.  I smile at some of wonderful memories.   My heart warms as I think of her love for me and everyone around her. [...]

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Moving Ahead Again

by Traci October 4, 2010

So I decided this time to not work out my upper body for 3 months.   Just not worth the risk of messing up the “new girls”  So I will stay with working out my lower half for the rest of the year. I could not imagine another surgery, so I’m done.      I [...]

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Healing Well

by Traci September 28, 2010

Two weeks post surgery,  I am healing very well.   I am feeling good and have been off pain meds for 4 days now.    I am still limited in what I lift and do with my arms,  no need to bust a stitch.  But I have full range of my arms which is nice. [...]

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Support from Friends

by Traci September 22, 2010

So today I am going to lunch with a group of wonderful friends who all have some kind of “medical issue”.   I say medical issue because not all of us have breast cancer or cancer.  But we all have had many doctors appointments.  Some have kids and struggle trying to managing their family life. [...]

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Endorphins…

by Traci September 20, 2010

So I finally get to take a walk for the last two days.   Oh, endorphins… how I have missed you.    My workouts are for me to heal, and they are so needed.   If you think you just can’t start slow, feel the sun on your face and hands.   You will be [...]

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You know your a cancer survivor when…

by Traci September 16, 2010

You know your a cancer survivor when you have Barium in your pantry for your next scans in 3 months.     Crazy!

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Doing Well

by Traci September 14, 2010

Hi All, Well,  I am doing well,   sore and have some pain.  But have good drugs.  :)   There is a lot of relief from the expanders (which were rock hard) to be out. The surgery went really well, but Dr. Holzman had to do more than just take out the expanders and put [...]

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Time for an Update

by Traci September 13, 2010

To all our loved ones, It have been awhile since I’ve updated you all on the boring life of the Kolineks.  :)   You know it is never a dull moment in this house. The Kolinek’s are living a good life. Reeve started first grade and flag football. He is my sweet boy who tries to [...]

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