March 31, 2011
Was it really March 31st 2005 in the early morning when my mom went to heaven? Feels like yesterday since the feelings are so raw. Why is it as this day comes near, the whole week, I go into a funk, have low energy and just not motivated. It would not be a celebration day. It is not like her birthday, where I would have called her, got her a card and gift, or been with her. It just plan sucks!!
A lot of memories come back during this week. Good and bad, and it is amazing how clear every event that occurred that week is so vivid. Every words spoken, every smell, every touch, and every minute.
I know and believe she is around me all the time. But I still struggle with just getting quite and listening to her. I do know the times she is pissed at me. 
She never met Kaylynn, but I know she gave me that girl to remember her everyday and the payback for having me. SHIT! She did not want me to be a bored mom.
I don’t remember taking my mom for granted. I remember being annoyed at her, but never wanted her away from me. I talked to her almost everyday, and she just knew how to lead me in the right direction. I have the greatest respect for her. Funny how you miss being directed the right way when it is gone. I always say “I am the CEO of me.” But when it came to my mom, she lead the way by teaching me to make the right decisions and learn from my mistakes.
A dear friend of mine, lost her Dad 1 year and 4 days before my mom passed. Someone that was meant to be part of my life, and very special to me. I was actually at her house when I got the call, to come home to Kansas City and say goodbye. We were going to have dinner together as families. My mom passed 1 year on the exact day that was her dad’s funeral. Her dad was to her, like my mom was to me. A huge part of our lives!!!
On her 2 year and my 1 year, we took our 1.5 year olds to the San Antonio zoo. They moved to Florida so the other years we just talked and felt for each other. But they are back in Austin again, and we have now decide that that week will become “Fun” event for us to bring our families together. Let the planning begin!!!
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